Not too old to rock and roll

Edna Parker, 114, the world's second oldest person met Bertha Fry, 113, the world's fifth-oldest to set a new Guinness World Record.

Rumor has it that Edna and Bertha had met once before, as teenagers, while attending a Rolling Stones concert.

Gonzales computer

I got the Alberto Gonzales Dell computer this week. It works great.

It destroys your emails and has no memory, but other than that it works great.

- Jay Leno

Idol robbery

While Simon Cowell was in Los Angeles for "American Idol," his home in London was robbed. Police say it was the work of professional thieves.

Cowell described the thieves as "amateurish and uninspired."

- Conan O'Brien

Underhanded law

A Florida senator wants to pass a "Pull Up Your Britches" law that would punish teens for showing their underwear.

Appropriations Committee will begin debate on the "Britney Spears" commando amendment on Tuesday.

Polling politicians

According to a new ABC/Washington Post poll, presidential candidate Joe Biden has moved from 1% to 2% in just the last two months.

You know what I think. I think he is peaking way too early.

- Jay Leno

Earth Day celebrations

Big Earth Day celebrations this weekend.

Guess who wasn't invited this year? Pluto.

- David Letterman

Limbo no more

Vatican has abolished limbo reversing centuries of Roman Catholic traditional belief.

The Vatican parties will just not be the same without the Cardinals dancing under the holy pole.