The Alabama Department of Homeland Security has taken down a web site that implied that gay rights groups could include terrorists.
In other news, Homeland Security has discontinued the 'hot pink' alert level for ‘elevated threat of attack by flamboyant interior decorators.'
Tony Wright in UK has broken the world record for sleep deprivation by staying awake for 11 days and nights.
When asked if his sleep deprivation would have any lasting health effects, he said he wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
New York's famed Saks Fifth Avenue department store plans to open a shoe department so big it has been granted its own ZIP code.
Other large structures with their own ZIP codes include Glendale Galleria Shopping Mall, the White House and Rosie O'Donnell.
According to a new study Viagra cures jet lag.
At least that's what Bill Clinton told Hillary when she found the pills in his luggage.
In Alaska, wildlife officials want to protect the public from dangerous bears by dyeing the bears bright colors like blue, green and orange.
Apparently, nothing calms down a man-eating bear like painting it.
Shrek is an ogre. He's a beastly ogre. He's a giant and he marries into a family of royalty.
And eventually goes on to become governor of California. An amazing story!
A 'Paris Hilton in Jail' doll is up for sale on ebay and comes with complete prison accessories.
The winner will get the Paris doll, one pair of handcuffs, one LA County prison number sign and a card that says "Get a life."
A nature watchdog group says that we have five years to fix global warming or face catastrophic consequences.
Like the possibility of another Al Gore movie.
- Jay Leno
In the Republican debate, Mike Huckabee got a big laugh when he said Congress has been spending money like John Edwards at a beauty salon.
Then he got an even bigger laugh when he said he was running for president.
A controversy is brewing over the new characters, the four princesses, Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Rapunzel, in Shrek the Third.
Turns out Cinderella was responsible for the firing of the seven dwarfs, Snow White got a hefty pay raise arranged by the Big Bad Wolf, Sleeping Beauty worked for an escort service, and Rapunzel paid $400 for a haircut.
A new Harris poll shows that support for John Edwards has slipped from 14% in April to 12% in May.
Looks like his poll numbers are getting a haircut too.
Barack Obama in a campaign speech, drastically overstated the Kansas tornadoes death toll, saying 10,000 had died when he meant to say "at least 10."
Barack is blaming the error on his speechwriters and plans to fire all 5000 of them.
A U.S. News and World Report cover story titled 'Bush's Last Stand' asks the provocative question, "Is President Bush resolute or delusional?"
That's easy. If you are a Republican, he is resolute; if you are a Democrat, he is delusional. If you are French, he is resolutely delusional.
A Chicago billboard by two lawyers proclaiming "Life's short. Get a divorce" has been removed after complaints.
Apparently, there is a law in Chicago that prohibits using Giuliani's campaign slogan on unauthorized billboards.
Archaeologists have made a huge discovery in the Middle East. They found the tomb of King Herod.
Archaeology involves finding a lot of broken pots. Which tells us all about history. And it tells us in ancient times people were clumsy.
Paris Hilton was sentenced to jail for driving with a suspended license. She's fired her publicist for telling her she could drive to work if she felt like it.
Under California law, if you don't have a publicist the court will provide one for you.
Donald Trump announced he is coming out with his own line of Trump steaks.
His steaks come in three sizes: large, extra large, and Rosie O'Donnell.
A Chicago billboard by two lawyers proclaiming "Life's short. Get a divorce" has been removed after complaints.
The billboard will be replaced with a message from Vice-President Dick Cheney, "Life's short. Shoot a lawyer"
George Hood's attempt at setting a Guinness World Records by riding a stationary bike for 85 hours has been invalidated because of mathematical errors in record-keeping.
George is planning to try again this summer, and is hoping to hit 101 hours over three days.
There were huge immigration rallies across the country this week. In Los Angeles, the demonstrators sang, "We shall overcome."
In Mexico, the demonstrators sang, "We shall come over."
- Jay Leno
Randall Tobias, officially the man in charge of promoting abstinence in the Bush administration, admitted hiring women from an escort service, but claims he only got a massage.
Another example of how Republicans are fiscally more responsible than Democrats, they go for a $300 massages instead of a $400 haircut.
The San Francisco mayor's race is heating up. There are now 13 candidates running against Gavin Newsom.
Mayor Newsom said, "I'm looking forward to debating all the candidates, and nailing their wives."
The fortune cookie was invented in San Francisco in 1909.
The fortune cookie was invented when someone said, "That cookie was delicious, but what will happen to me in the future?"
Britney Spears surprised her fans by making a brief appearance at a San Diego nightclub on Tuesday.
Britney last surprised her fans when her briefs did not make an appearance.
Boris Yeltsin was given a state funeral in Moscow, with a horse-drawn carriage taking Russia's first democratically-elected leader through Red Square.
President Vladimir Putin was brief but eloquent in his eulogy. He said he didn't do it.
Saddam Hussein would have been seventy years old tomorrow.
If you are looking for a gift, he could really use an air conditioner.
